24 hours in Vientiane (Vieng Chan), Laos

Break your fast with an the omelet special or a flaky pastry at the Scandinavian Bakery near the fountain in the center of town, taking in a week old Bangkok Post, or splash out for the latest Vientiane Times, available at the register. After you've had your fill, head to the morning market (Dalat Sao) for a spot of shopping. This is the best place to pick up a stunning Laos style sarong, a bottle of local liquor with a snake in it, or a bronze cast Buddha.

When the haggling wears you down, regain your serenity at the 16th century temple Haw Phra Kaow . If your nerves need additional calming (and you're not templed out), the nearby Wat Si Saket offers further sanctuary from the pushy tuk tuk drivers outside.

By now it's time for lunch, and in Vientiane you're spoiled for options. Take your pick from excellent (and cheap!) Indian, French, Italian, Laos, and Thai options everywhere you turn.

The weirdest and some would say most interesting sight in the vicinity is the Buddha Park (Xieng Khuan) some 24 km away from central Vientiane, past the friendship bridge. A grassy field strewn with surreal concrete Buddha's, this place is one of a kind and a definite must see. To get there rent a motorbike and drive yourself or get ready to put those bargaining skills to use with a tuk tuk driver.

Next, beat the afternoon heat and practice that butterfly stroke at the Vientiane Swimming Pool near the stadium. Entrance costs 10,000 kip (around $1.20).

As sunset approaches, treat your weary muscles to a super hot sauna and massage with the monks at Wat Sok Pa Luang. It might seem odd to have a sauna in such heat, but it relaxes.

By now it's time for dinner so head to Kop Chai Deu near the fountain for some tasty Laos food and Beer Laos on tap.

Laos nightlife is picking up these days, so head to Samlor Pub for a spot of mixing and dancing, or grab some pals and go for bowling at one of the popular venues. When you've bowled your last frame, head to Future Tech to mingle with a young Laos crowd, or to Don Chan Palace, popular with both Laos and foreigners and open until 4 AM on the weekends.

Off to the Desert

After much contemplation and mind-changing, I'm fully in the depths of the process of obtaining a visa for Saudi Arabia to take a job teaching university students. I'll be in the States for a few weeks more while the kinks get worked out and pieces are put together, and should hopefully be on my at the end of the month.

If you're in the US and want to hang out before I go, please submit a notarized copy of your birth certificate along with a copy of your passport, signed and with a raised seal from the Secretary of State of your state, a recent VD test result, a letter of intent as to why you would like to hang out, a money order for $16.22 and a self addressed stamp envelope, express USPS mail only, to me. Thank you.

An Alcoholic's Guide to Asia

Next up in our beverages-in-Asia theme is beer, which is a bit of a sad story. Getting anything other than a pissy lager can be next to impossible - though for intrepid explorers there are some tasty microbrews hiding away in the big cities. For this post however, I'll be focusing only on the widely available beers. Once again, from worst to best:

10. South Korea
I never meant for this to be a Korea bash, but there's just no way around it. Korea's two widely available beers, Cass and Hite, are just awful. Drink it quick and chase it with a bite of bulgogi, and you'll be just fine. Be on the look out for Red Rock, which is as cheap as the others, and better, but not nearly as widely available. One tip: drink some soju (Korean firewater) with your meal, then when you switch to beer you won't be able to taste it as much.

9. India
In India, beer and other alcohol are sold in "wine shops" which are super dodgy-looking counters usually with some sketchy drunk guys hanging around outside. It can feel a bit like you're buying horse or something. In many parts of India alcohol is not easy to get. I didn't really drink much there, but I can remember the beer being nothing at all to write home about. Kingfischer seemed to be the most popular, with a whole slew of indistinguishable others. It's pissy lager. It's said that Indian beer contains glycerine, a preservative which can give you a headache, and to rid the beer of it before consuming you should dunk the top upside-down into a glass of water until the syrupy substance drains out. I've also heard that this is rubbish and doesn't work.

8. Myanmar (Burma)
Myanmar's only local beer, also called Myanmar, is not only crap but also a joint venture with the thuggish government. Better to avoid the stuff and limit your support. If you want to get pissed, find some local palm toddy or rice wine and enjoy with the locals. Even better, you could use Myanmar as an opportunity to get clean for a while, you stinking drunk.

7. Japan
If only as punishment for making happoshu, a kind of beer flavored drink designed to circumvent Japanese high taxes on malt-containing beer, Japan will come next. The beer itself is not THAT bad. Asahi, Sapporo, Kirin, Suntory, take your pick, they're all essentially the same: lame pissy beers.

6. Cambodia
Things start getting blurry around this point, not because I've been sampling each beer as I write, but because the quality of the beers are really indistinguishable. It's a bit like two of Cambodia's beers: Angkor, named after Angkor Wat, and Anchor which is pronounced like anchor, as in boat anchor, presumably because the name Angkor was already taken. Confusing.

5. Thailand
I'm giving Thailand relatively high ratings for the presence of a wide variety of brews. Plenty of imports like Heineken and Tiger, plus the local beers, the most widely available of which are Chang, Leo, and Singh. Chang is notable for it's cheap price and high alcohol content, 6.9% if memory serves. Leo is usually the same price with a slightly lower alcohol content and slightly better taste. Singh has a distinctive taste, and a tamer 5% alcohol. My Thai teacher once told me he drinks Chang because he's "kikiat chee", lazy to piss.

4. Singapore
For me, Singapore's national brew Tiger ranks highly on the pissy-beer scale. Your taste buds may or may not agree.

3. Laos
Most travelers in SE Asia swear by Beer Laos. It does seem to have a fresher, cleaner taste than a lot of the others. As we say back in Olympia, "It's the Water".

2. Indonesia
Bintang is the name of Indonesia's surprisingly tasty suds. For a Muslim country, they know how to whip up some good booze.

1. Philippines
San Miguel is from the Philippines, and while it might not be the absolute top beer on this list, it gets extra points for being really cheap. It tastes good, comes in several varieties including extra-strong "Red Horse" (be careful), and is available everywhere. Goodonya, Philippines.

A Coffee Addict's Guide to Asia

I admit it, I'm hopelessly addicted to coffee, and if you're like me then you need your fix as much when you're bunking with New Guinean natives as when you're at home base. What follows are the results of years of research in the East. Starting from the worst and leading to the best, I'll take you through the ins and outs of coffee drinking in six Asian countries.

6. South Korea (kopi)
Far and away the worst of all Asian coffee destinations, and possibly the earth, Korea lands dead last for joe-hounds. What's worse, coffee isn't some obscure drink overshadowed by a superior local beverage - coffee is actually extremely popular here, and widely available in all sorts of crappy varieties. In general, it's instant coffee, the most popular being the 3-in-1 coffee, cream, and sugar mix. Just add water and if no spoon is available, stir with the unopened end of the stick shaped pouch. It only goes downhill from there, leading ultimately to the machine coffee found at the entrance of most restaurants. All the machine does is take extremely crappy instant coffee, and mixes in cream and sugar according to your choice. This stuff is the bottom of the barrel. It tastes like ass. It would be nice if you could just swear off coffee in Korea, but trust me, you're really going to need it in Korea to get through your day.

Stay well away from: Any and all machine coffee. It tastes like instant coffee made yesterday, mixed with sour milk and ball sweat.
Your best bet: Espresso-style coffee is making serious headway in Korea, and if you're willing to splash out you can get a good cup at Starbucks or one of the local varients like Holly's. They are super expensive though, often more than in the US. For a better price-to-quality ratio try Dunkin Donuts or, gulp, McDonalds.

5. Japan (kohi)
Welcome to the land of canned coffee. The variety is astounding: Black, sweet, milky, strong, weak, and available hot or cold from vending machines and conbini's (convenience stores) everywhere. The stuff is crap but might grow on you if you stay long enough.

Stay well away from: The coffee-flavored tea available in conbinis. OK, it's sold as coffee, but it's just a tea bag with coffee grounds, to be added to hot water, making what amounts to yes, coffee flavored tea. Beware.
Your best bet: It might be worthwhile to spring for the chains here. In addition to plentiful Starbucks there are a handful of local varients. A bit more affordable, comparatively, than Korea.

4: India (coffee)
In the north of India, tea (called chai) is king, but in the south coffee is drunk side by side at the tea-and-coffee wallas. It's all instant, and is really more coffee flavored than actual coffee. Like the chai, it's made with copious amounts of milk and sugar, rendering it quite unrecognizable as coffee. Still, it's pretty tasty.

Stay well away from: Unboiled water.
Your best bet: You'll probably do better just sticking to the tasty chai here.

3: Thailand (Ga-fae)
Coffee comes in many varieties in Thailand, the oldest (and cheapest) way being "bag coffee" (ga-fae tung). It's a dirty looking bag of coffee grounds dipped in hot water, making quite a strong brew, and mixed with large amounts of condensed milk. This takes some serious getting used to, but some, including myself, have come to enjoy it. You can, and probably should, ask for less than the full dose of condensed milk (sai nom nit noi). Otherwise, streetside espresso is catching like wildfire, or for a cooler environment for drinking, try any of the chain places.

Stay well away from: Stale beans. It sometimes pays to give the merchandise a sniff for freshness if the place looks like they don't do much business.
Your best bet: It's often worthwhile in Thailand to just go for that latte at the classy joint. It still won't be that expensive.

2. Vietnam/Cambodia/Laos
Laos and Cambodia have mostly followed the Vietnamese style of brewing coffee, which involves brewing individual cups drip style in a little metal apparatus which sits on top of the cup. Here coffee stands out for the quality of the beans, and Vietnam and Laos grow their own stuff. Vietnam is a huge coffee exporter, though mostly of the cheaper robusta variety. Here it's generally served up black so you can doctor it the way you like it.

Stay well away from: Anything that seems expensive, because this stuff should be super cheap.
Your best bet: It's all good here. Drink up!

1: Indonesia (Kopi)
Aaaah, the promised land of Asian coffee, it doesn't get better than Indonesia. Sumatra is famous the world over, but there are dozens of islands with their own distinctive bean, and they're all fiercly proud of it. Sample them all! Here coffee is drunk in the Turkish style - ground to a powder and mixed with boiling water, so don't drink that last bit!

Stay well away from: Yes it's good, but resist the urge to polish off that last sip unless you like eating mud.
Your best bet: It's so good you'll want to take a bag home with you - so go for it!

Hope you found it helpful. Did I miss something? Leave a comment!

Some Like it Hot

Who amongst us hasn't dreamed of seeing lava close up, to witness with our eyes that blood of the earth in it's pure, liquid form? Enter Volcan Pacaya, a highly active volcano within striking distance of Antigua, that touristy anomaly outside of Guatemala's capital. To get there involves a short ride to the volcano and a hike of about one and a half hours to the top, where you can get within feet of a veritable river of lava. Some in our group brought marshmallows to roast - I brought hot dogs, inciting the furious envy of many. They cook quickly, as one might expect them to over molten rock.

At the top we were free to roam around, throw objects into the lava, leap between crevices with lava glowing brightly below, melting the soles of our shoes. The smallest hiccup of the volcano could send lava gushing into the air, falling from the sky in some apocalyptic nightmare, and this has all happened before, but today we have luck, and the volcano behaves itself.

The guides struggled to pull us away from the lava and get us back to safety. The rain was coming and the night falling. Half of the descent was in dark and fog, and only a few had flashlights. We all managed to make it back as the night took hold, and in the distance we could see now, in the pitch black, the glowing orange oozing down the side of the mountain. We rode back to Antigua soaked from the rain and wishing we could have taken a lava souvenir with us to warm the ride.

Nicaragua Seeks Energy Diversification in National Dish

Managua, Nicaragua
A spokesperson for the Ministry of Energy and Mines in Nicaragua announced plans to use methane gas, a major by-product of it´s national dish Gallo Pinto, as a new source of energy. The ubiquitous dish, made of rice and beans, could yield more methane by slightly undercooking the beans, the spokeperson said. In an independence day speech addressing the issue, president Daniel Ortega said "By harnessing the methane output of the entire population, Nicaragua can attain energy independence. We can free ourselves from reliance on foreign nations."
Nicaragua is already on the cutting edge of renewable energy, particularly in the field of geothermal power, thanks to plentiful active volcanoes. Renewable sources account for 25% of the nation´s energy.

Into the Nicaraguan Wilds

Today I pack my life in Granada up and move on to Esteli, a cooler mountain destination near coffee plantations and famous for it's fine cigars. Goodbye, fair Granada, with all your hot dog stands and colorful houses. Goodbye, Goodbye, fair Lake Nicaragua, and Mombacho Volcano. All the best.

Glue Sniffers Offering Joints to Girls in Wet T-Shirts

I'm guessing that title will rack up the greatest number of hits in the travelogue's history.
I took a weekend trip to Volcan Masaya, an active volcano. It's pretty cool as you can walk right up to a massive, smoking crater which native people once chucked human sacrifices into to appease the spirit residing inside. There was a small eruption in 2002, sending smoldering boulders 500m into the air and crashing down in the parking lot, damaging cars and narrowly missing people. Neat!


Instead of heading straight back to Granada, I decided to spend the weekend enjoying the fresh-ish waters of Laguna da Apoyo, a wonderful swimming spot nearby. There, I dived, swam, and floated my way to total relaxation. Saturday evening was spent learning Swedish drinking games supplemented by hearts and rum.


Oh yeah, and apparently there were some bad local guys hanging out on the diving platform sniffing glue and offering joints, which I didn't see, but upset some of the other guests. The glue sniffing part, not the joints. Though who really wants to smoke joints with dudes who are sniffing glue? Obviously there would have been some girls around in wet t-shirts too, since it's right on the lake's edge.

Nicaragua, the First Week

¡Hola Amigos!

I'm currently in the former Spanish colonial town of Granada, Nicaragua, studying in a Spanish language school while re-adapting to the mosquitoes and humidity of the tropics. Granada's quite touristy, and I may have to move somewhere with fewer gringos to get a true feel for the country. It's not a bad place to adjust to Latin America though, a kind of halfway house, before entering the untamed wilds of the real Nicaragua.

Classes are going fine, and in a week we've pretty much covered, and gone beyond, all that I learned in two years in high school. Thanks, Mrs. Wagner (if that is your real name)!

I'm staying with a family to get the true immersion experience, though my conversations with them have been pretty limited. Mostly I talk to the Dad, Julio, who hates Daniel Ortega. I can't work out how he, or any other family member, makes a living, but they're friendly enough. They seem to be a typical Nicaraguan family of modest means.

Weird things I've noticed so far:
1. On the television news, they always play these strange beeping noises in the background. I guess it's meant to give the news a sense of urgency. The whole TV news thing is pretty low budget... During the weather report they just zoomed a camera onto a computer screen to show the day's satellite weather movements.

2. Las Bombas. Starting at 4 AM, one can hear loud bangs going off. At first I thought they were gunshots, then I figured it must be backfiring cars, but finally I asked and found out they are celebratory firecrackers. I still can't figure out exactly what they're meant to celebrate (saints, holidays, ???) but they go off pretty regularly throughout the day, every day. They're quite loud but the Nicaraguans don't even seem to hear them.

I'm taking a weekend trip to Masaya Volcano and Laguna de Apoyo.

Hasta Luego.

Out of Asia

Well folks, after reflecting on my many travels throughout Asia over the past 5 years I though it might do me well to expand my horizons and see what another corner of the world is like. This line of thought brought me to Nicaragua, where I've been for 24 hours. You'll have to excuse the lack of photographs in this post as I'm slowly but surely working up the courage to whip $1000 worth of equipment out into the open.

The first story I heard upon arrival in my Managua hostel (Managua Backpackers Inn, highly recommended, run by the delightful and helpful David) last night was one from a pair of American girls who had been held up at knife point in a car whom they were talked into sharing with some friendly ladies expounding on the benefits of shared taxi over buses. What these kindly ladies didn't mention was that they were in cahoots with the drivers, and after a few clever moves to put the gringas at ease, such as filling up on petrol and driving in the direction they were ostensibly traveling, knives were pulled and the girls were informed, in a pretty civilized way it seems, that this was in fact a robbery and they'd be taking the girls' cash and ATM cards, as well as their PIN numbers. The thieves proceeded to the ATM machine to withdraw the cash, with the girls still in custody, and only after the cash had been withdrawn did they let the girls go, assuring them that if they walked straight "we'll throw your backpacks out of the car as we drive away" which, as you might have guessed by now, they didn't.

The girls seemed admirably unfazed by the experience, considering they had lost everything but the clothes on their backs. Oh, also the perpetrators allowed them to keep their passports and enough local cash to get them to a hotel. How thoughtful.

As a result of this rather chilling tale I've started my time here in full alert mode, highly suspicious of those just-a-little-too-friendly strangers, which is probably a good thing and I'm doing my best not to allow that to interfere with experiencing to the fullest this beautiful country and it's people, the vast majority of whom are the loveliest of folks.

Tomorrow I start Spanish language school here in Granada, which I'm pretty chuffed about.

The Greatest Water Fight in the World

In the middle of April, the hottest month in this part of the world, the people of Myanmar, Thailand, Cambodia and Laos celebrate the local New Year with a massive countrywide water festival, called Thingyan here, and Songkran in Thailand. I spent the holiday in Mandalay, Myanmar, where it's celebrated with an added vigor. Some locals liken it to "four days of democracy", a very special thing in a country normally kept under tight wraps by a military junta. Four days of anarchy might be a better description, but who's splitting hairs?

Participating countries celebrate the festival with local twists, but simply put, it's a celebration of water and a chance to make a fresh start in the new year, and wash away all of the worries, anxieties, and problems of the preceding one. Though it has it's roots in Hindu tradition, it has devolved in modern times to the simple pleasure of being wet in the insane heat that is the Southeast Asian summer.

Anyone venturing beyond their front door during the four days of the festival will be surely and completely soaked from head to toe, no question about it. In the baking month of April this comes as a relief to most, as long as the necessary defence of plastic has been carefully wrapped around any money, mobile phones, and anything else of value. Children form street posses of water warriors with a singular mission: to drench any living thing that passes by their post. Adults get in on the fun too, by packing into pick-up trucks modified to accommodate dozens of standing, screaming revelers, and driving around the streets whooping and throwing ice cold water on those they pass.


On the sides of roads are great raised stages armed with dozens of hoses, known as pandals, from which those lucky enough to have a spot can spray anyone passing beneath. Teenagers dance beneath furiously in the monsoon atmosphere to Thingyan songs, fueled by local whiskey, rum, beer and worst (and cheapest) of all, gut wrenching rice liquor.


By midday, the streets of Mandalay are hopelessly flooded, with motorbikes and rust bucket trucks, engines flooded, grind to a halt in the newly formed lakes. Add booze, vehicles loaded to the brim, and blinding amounts of water and what do you get? An emergency services nightmare in a country without any emergency services to speak of. But for the lucky, the party goes on until nightfall, when the water throwing (mostly) stops.

Foreigners, far from being exempt, are prized targets in the melee, and many locals are keen to practice their English as they attack: "This Myanmar water festival!" (oh really?) or "Are you happy?" (I was until you nearly knocked my eye out of it's socket with that fire hose). But alas, as so often in Asia, my witty replies are wasted.


It's no wonder that many, having grown up with this most racous of festivals, choose to enter one of the many meditation centers in the country. After all, insight meditation could well rival water fights for those seeking cleansing of the soul.

I can't help but think of Children's Day, celebrated with candies or some such thing in some other countries. If those children knew the what wonders wait in store for the children of Myanmar every April, they would surely renounce their citizenships and be on the first plane to this impoverished country, children being children.


Did I enjoy it? My favorite water festival is still the first I experienced in Laos 5 years ago, where the festival felt a little more tame and traditional - and a little less warlike. Four days is maybe excessive (in Thailand it's three), but I'll always have fond memories of this utterly insane festival that makes my own country's biggest holidays look like a staid evening at the opera.


For more photos from the festival, click the flickr bar on the right.

Best of Bali

I make no apologies for my lazy blogging but I would like to catch up any followers who haven't written me off yet.

My first night I stayed in Kuta (close to the airport), but quickly got fed up with the hordes of Australian teens and made a move to Ubud, where I based myself for most of my Bali time. In Ubud I met a lot of locals and had time to just relax and soak in Balinese culture rather than the Western Beach Vacation/Cancun-style atmosphere of Kuta. I should note that I later went back to Kuta to try my hand at surfing, and I think I did rather well.
Ahem, ok so that's not me. But I did try surfing, which was good fun aside from swimming through piles of plastic which cover the water of Kuta Beach. I even stood up! If only I had a picture...

I could easily have spent the month in Bali, but I decided to hop over to the "Gili Islands" off the coast of Lombok (I use quotes because although that is what they are referred to as, it is clearly some tourist perversion as "Gili" means island, so it would be like saying the Island Island's... anyway... More on the Gili's later.

Now I'm getting my ducks in a row for a one month expedition in Myanmar. I fly out on Friday and come back a month later. Internet is pretty spotty there so I probably won't be updating the blog until I get back.

You can see many of my pictures taken in Bali here.

And how are you?

Travelogue becomes travelogue again

I've run run run away from the cold of NE Asia and into the warm humid bosom of SE Asia. Tomorrow morning I'm going to the southern hemisphere for the first time ever (!), to Bali, Indonesia. For now I'm taking care of business in Bangkok, getting some much needed refloxology done and teeth cleaned. It's hot and I'm happy.

Fed Seeks Mugabe's Advice

The federal reserve has been in contact with Zimbabwean president Robert Mugabe to request assistance in devaluing the US dollar. With national debt levels soaring, the fed aims to inflate it's way out of debt, leaving China, Saudi Arabia, and US citizens with piles of greenish paper with pictures of dead guys. Mugabe's success in beating money into submission is well documented. The Zimbabwean dollar, known throughout Zimbabwe as 'fucking shit', is currently experiencing inflation rates of 13 quadrillion percent (13000000000000000%).
On Mugabe's advice, the fed reduced it's target interest rate to 0%, and purchased a quadrillion more printing presses.

Guide to Seoul Street Biking

Some of these surely apply to urban biking in general, but here it is - my guide to Seoul street biking:

1) Don't trust anybody, especially taxis and buses. Don't trust vehicles to stop at red lights, go the correct way on one way streets, not cut you off, or anything else. This is the golden rule.

2) Pedestrians are idiots. If you ring your bell, most people will turn around and dumbly stare at you instead of getting out of the way. Still, use the bell often, and well in advance to give people time to get over their stupefaction. I now ring my bell almost constantly out of habit. Makes for nice ad-hoc music too.

3) Run red lights and break all traffic laws if it means getting away from the bulk of traffic. Don't be dumb about it, but it is actually safer to stay away from other vehicles, so do this as much as possible.

4) Watch out for doors. This is crucial. Look inside cars to see if there are passengers about to hop out, and always try to leave space between yourself and stopped (or slow moving!) cars. I've never been doored but I've almost been doored, and that is not an adventure I'd like to have.

5) It's often safer in the road than on the sidewalk. Cars plow into sidewalks from side streets. Trucks park in sidewalks, often completely blocking them. Motorbikes speed on sidewalks. Sometimes the sidewalks suddenly become dead ends for bikes because there are only pedestrian overpasses at intersections and no crosswalks. Use your best judgment.

Seoul can be a great city for biking for those with balls of steel! Stay safe!

Mugabe Tapped in McCain Campaign

Zimbabwean president Robert Mugabe has been hired by the McCain campaign to assist in bringing American hearts and minds to the Republican candidate. The African leader "has been remarkably successful at winning elections in the face of public opposition" said a McCain staffer who declined to be named. Fox News analyst Karl Rove praised the move saying "If I was running, he would be the first one on my campaign team". Although Mugabe has been criticized in the past for his unorthodox campaigning techniques, "he knows how to get the job done" said Rove.
Mugabe staffer hard at work

Central Bankers Meet, Agree on Bat Signal Use

In an unprecedented move, central bankers from nations around the world unveiled a plan Thursday morning to return the bat signal to service in an effort to arrest the deepening financial crisis. Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson made the following statement:

The time has come for a coordinated response to this crisis. A piecemeal approach has not, and will not work - therefore my colleagues and I have decided to send in the big guns. The Dark Knight has proven himself capable numerous times against foes such as the Penguin, the Catwoman, and most recently against the Joker. I have full confidence in his ability to restore stability to our markets and the general economy.

Traders responded positively in the hours following the announcement, but doubts about the plan surfaced in late trading, erasing earlier gains. One investment banker from Goldman Sachs questioned the move.

Isn't that guy just from a movie? It's so hard to remember what's real and what's made up these days. I mean, that Beautiful Mind guy is real, right? But what about the Nicholas Cage character in The Rock? The point is, even if Batman responds, what can he do to ease the current crisis? Sometimes it seems like central bankers have no control and just make these kinds of statement to calm the markets.

The announcement came after coordinated cuts in interest rates around the world, which yesterday were announced within seconds of each other, failed to invigorate markets.
The bat signal is thought to be kept in storage in Brazil. Paulson admitted that it could take some time to find the spotlight and restore it to operation. "Those cornholes over at Warner Brothers better not have burned out the light," he added "those things are nearly impossible to find."

Korean Won Plunges, Language Teacher Storms Out of Classroom

The Korean won continued it's precipitous plunge today, leaving the beleaguered currency at around 1400 to the dollar, a 35% drop since January. Jared Schmidt, a Canadian kindergarten teacher at a Seoul language school threatened to 'pull a runner' unless the situation turned around soon.
"Dude, this is bullshit. If you think I'm gonna chase a bunch of little rugrats around this place for kimchee and a few bucks, you're out of your mind."
Local traders were pessimistic about the won's outlook, stating that "the won has certainly not won the current round, nor will it be likely to have won anytime in the near future."
Jared was checking the currency rate on his mobile phone during a phonics lesson when he noticed the new 10 year lows.

I just had the phone out to use the dictionary to look up "diarrhea" in Korean, because one of the kids was insisting on using the bathroom and kept saying this word that I thought might be that, when I noticed the rate. I was so pissed that I just walked out. I'm seriously gonna dump this job unless this gets better soon. I mean, I could go to Taiwan or something. I hear they're always looking for kindy teachers, and I really like the bubble tea they have over there.

In related news, a sharp drop in Cambodian and Vietnamese bride buying by single Korean men has been reported, as the women of those countries are increasingly unwilling to go to a country with a weaker currency than their own.

Presidential Politics

I get most of my news from the internet these days which has the virtue of being unmitigated by large corporations with a mind-controlling agenda. Just in case anyone who reads this blog didn't see this exemplary answer to a question from Katie Couric about the government bailout from hockey mom Sarah Palin, here it is:

Wha wha whaaaaaaat?!?!? Folks, this is scary. I don't know whether to go into a laughing fit, or cry. Just for fun, let's compare that with Ms. South Carolina:

Seth's Travelogue, Back By Popular Demand

Last I checked commuting does not qualify as traveling, but when doing so by bicycle on Korean roads it at least qualifies as adventurous. Seriously, Koreans can't drive. Does that sentence make me racist? Ah, F*ck it. As pointed out by my dear readers, it's been ages since the last post. Where to begin? Well basically I've been working in the Korean public school system and getting a crash course in teaching youngsters the esteemed international language known as English. As the only foreigner there, as well as the only foreigner ever to have been there in the school's 100+ year history, I get plenty of attention. Most of the attention I never find out about. It takes the form of hushed rumors spread around the halls like Californian wildfire. It's actually a little bit like being a presidential candidate, with a heavy dose of mistranslation mixed in.
Which brings me to today's Link of the Day for Other People Getting Paid to Surf the Internet
Dokdo is ours
is a satirical website about Korea which might not be funny to people unfamiliar with Korean culture, but absolutely hysterical if you have lived here. Please check it out and if I'm wrong about that assumption, let me know. I'm curious. For those who don't know, Dokdo is the Korean name for a couple disputed islets (read=worthless rocks) in the sea of Japan, I'm sorry, East Sea. Here's a picture of that sea, taken last weekend.

And that's that. What's up with you?