The Subterranean River at Sabang

Like entering the mouth of some mythical beast, the boat journey into this, the longest known navigable underground river on earth, is an awe inspiring moment. The darkness sucks the 8 man paddle boat into it's womb and the only thing seperating you from the pitch black is a light and car battery.

As you journey further into the depths the guide points out rock formations in the caves. There's it is, a mushroom. And over to your left, the virgin Mary. Look closely fellas, a naked female form is just around the next corner. Do you see the banana flower?

Actually the rock growths and formations could be anything your mind wants, like an inkblot test that envelops you, and the guides' constant suggestions become an annoyance seperating your from what could be a truly meditative experience.

All in all the trip was unforgettable. It's a shame that along with easier accessibility (the road was built in the early 90's - before that you had to take a boat some three hours up the coastline, through devil's point, a dangerous whirlpool) comes hordes of tourists and the corresponding price hikes, crowds, and waits. I must have seen too many Indiana Jones movies.

Sea Woes, Bad Meat, and Russian Cinema

First off, let me apologize for the lack of photos in my recent posts. There's a lot of pitfalls on the road to getting photos online when traveling. I won't bore you with the details. I'll be going back and adding them to the posts at a later date.

I awoke to the sounds of chickens. It must be morning, I thought. But no, outside it was still dark. Where was I? The swaying motion brought it rushing back. I'm on a boat. Why are there chickens on the boat? I hadn't noticed them the night before. Maybe they're coming from some distance, somewhere outside, a nearby island. No, they're too loud. My head was groggy. Shouldn't have had that beer. I had to pee. I'm too lazy to pee. I struggled to get back to sleep, ignoring the pleas of my bladder. Why do they leave the bright florescent lighting on all night? I expertly positioned a sheet over my eyes.

Suddenly, we were docking. Must be the Cuyo islands. We're gonna be here for 7 hours, until 3 P.M. What are we supposed to do all day? The ticket vendor had said they had to unload a lot of goods. But 7 hours? At least this will get us to Puerto Princessa in the morning rather than at night.

Maybe the Cuyo islands are nice. I can do some sightseeing. Check out the town. Eat real food. My bowels ached. I'd had nothing but MSG-laden snacks all the day before, not out of choice but because I hadn't had any time. I'd planned to have plenty of time. Where did I go wrong? I barely made the boat. It was the traffic in Ilo Ilo city on the way to the port. There was a festival starting. It had thrown my calculations off.

So here we are in the middle of the Sulu sea, on a rural little island. All I want is some nice food. There has to be something good to eat here. It's sometimes hard to find good food in the Philippines. They're big on the buffet-which-has-been-sitting-out-all-day style of restaurant, and big into meat too. It scares me. My mission this afternoon will be to find a good, wholesome meal. I will reward my stomach for 25 years of good service, overlooking the 6 weeks in India last year. I'm a generous employer. I want to eat fresh vegetables, sanitary protein sources, and rice without rocks in it - is that too much to ask? The boat has food, but it's buffet style and scary. I am a Russian soldier from Battleship Potemkin. Take back your rotting, maggot ridden meat! This is a mutiny! Throw the captain overboard! Storm the palaces! We won't take it anymore!

Screw the Jet, Get Your Feet Wet!

One of the highlights of traveling around the archipelago that is the Philippines is that it affords me the opportunity to ride on many a boat, one of my favorite forms of transport. The country abounds with reasonably priced airlines to whisk people from place to place, but I prefer the simplicity and old-time romanticism of boat travel. There's nothing quite like gazing out onto the open sea, witnessing strings of uninhabited craggy coastlines, and breathing in the salty air.

I'm now in Boracay, a tourist trap of a beach that I ended up at because of a reckless spur of the moment decision. I've had enough now, and this morning embark on a solid 2 day combined boat/bus trip to the finger shaped, far eastern island of Palawan, home to the world's longest subterrainian river, idyllic scenery and stunning landscapes, and top notch wreck diving (the aftermath of an American WWII bombardment of Japanese ships), or so I read in the tourist brochure.

The boat really has it all. You get a bed, a top notch restaurant serving a wide variety of cuisine (they have 3 flavors of cup of noodle!), and best of all, the chance to mix, mingle, and trade stories with the locals.

Sinulog in Cebu

Weather patterns in the Philippines are changing. Normally this time of year is dry and clear in this part of the country but lately the rainy season has not obeyed orders. Many people are blaming global climate change for the shift. Whatever the reason, it's certainly not going to stop Filipinos from enjoying Sinulog, or "The Queen of Festivals", as one Cebu local dubbed it.

Sinulog is a dance, a rhythm, costumes and celebration wrapped in a religious celebration of the Santo Ninyo, the Philippines' version of the baby Jesus. Loads of people cradle little, and sometimes large, statuettes of the child saint through the rough-edged downtown district of the city in a huge procession towards the large Cathedral in town. Sprinkles rained down throughout the afternoon resulting in many an umbrella poke to the face.

At night Sinulog turns into a raucous street party with reggae and rock cover bands dominating crooning tired tunes into the festive night air. The quality of the music is made up for by the cheapness of the beer. San Miguel is the national beer of the Philippines and comes in light, pilsen, super dry, and red horse forms. Pilsen is the original and still the best. So good in fact, that I've de-throned Tiger and Lao as the leaders of the Asian beer scene.

All in all, Sinulog did not disappoint. It will take a lot more than the gradual destruction of the plant's ecosystem to keep Filipinos from having a good time.

First Impressions of The Philippines

Keep in mind I've been here a day, with a good chunk of that asleep:

Manila airport is by far the worst airport I've ever been to.

Filipinos speak fluent, polite, American accented English. When checking into my room, the hotel staff said: Would you mind if I asked you to pay for the first night?, while in Thailand it's always something like: You pay now.

Filipinos and Filipinas are very friendly! They talk a lot with their eyebrows.

The city, Cebu, is not especially nice. Think long polluted roads with no sidewalks and little charm. I'm actually hanging out in a shopping mall now. I like this shopping mall. Everything I need right now is here.

Food and transport and very cheap!

Most other foreigners here are old white dudes.

It's totally bizarre but I love it!

Go Chang!

Chang, or elephant, is more than just a low-cost, high-alcohol (6.5%) Thai beer, which my former Thai language teacher said he drank over other beers because he's "kikiat chee" or "lazy to piss". Chang is also a magnificent "Koh", or island, in the east of Thailand near the Cambodian border. Overlooked by tourists heading south to "the beaches", many people must have been confused and not realized that "The Beach" is just a book and movie starring Leonardo DiCaprio, and there are no paradise pot crops and utopian communities living on Koh Pi Pi, just a lot of drunken Europeans.

Koh Chang is no secret, but it's a beautiful and, so far, tastefully developed island. Here you feel you're living with Thai people, and not that you've driven them out and replaced them with banana pancakes. Getting here from Bangkok costs a fraction of that to get to the southern islands, and once you're here the food and booze are half the price, too. Have you grasped my advice yet? Skip the full moon party on Koh Pha Ngan, unless of course you like dancing on broken glass, and Go Chang!In other news, I ship out for Cebu in the Philippines late Wednesday night and arrive Thursday morning to witness the weekend Sinulog festival. Apparently, Filipino festivals are quite mad. During Easter, devotees in the predominately Catholic country actually volunteer to be nailed onto crosses, like, for real. For the rest of us, choking down marshmallow peeps is suffering enough.