Mugabe Tapped in McCain Campaign

Zimbabwean president Robert Mugabe has been hired by the McCain campaign to assist in bringing American hearts and minds to the Republican candidate. The African leader "has been remarkably successful at winning elections in the face of public opposition" said a McCain staffer who declined to be named. Fox News analyst Karl Rove praised the move saying "If I was running, he would be the first one on my campaign team". Although Mugabe has been criticized in the past for his unorthodox campaigning techniques, "he knows how to get the job done" said Rove.
Mugabe staffer hard at work

Central Bankers Meet, Agree on Bat Signal Use

In an unprecedented move, central bankers from nations around the world unveiled a plan Thursday morning to return the bat signal to service in an effort to arrest the deepening financial crisis. Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson made the following statement:

The time has come for a coordinated response to this crisis. A piecemeal approach has not, and will not work - therefore my colleagues and I have decided to send in the big guns. The Dark Knight has proven himself capable numerous times against foes such as the Penguin, the Catwoman, and most recently against the Joker. I have full confidence in his ability to restore stability to our markets and the general economy.

Traders responded positively in the hours following the announcement, but doubts about the plan surfaced in late trading, erasing earlier gains. One investment banker from Goldman Sachs questioned the move.

Isn't that guy just from a movie? It's so hard to remember what's real and what's made up these days. I mean, that Beautiful Mind guy is real, right? But what about the Nicholas Cage character in The Rock? The point is, even if Batman responds, what can he do to ease the current crisis? Sometimes it seems like central bankers have no control and just make these kinds of statement to calm the markets.

The announcement came after coordinated cuts in interest rates around the world, which yesterday were announced within seconds of each other, failed to invigorate markets.
The bat signal is thought to be kept in storage in Brazil. Paulson admitted that it could take some time to find the spotlight and restore it to operation. "Those cornholes over at Warner Brothers better not have burned out the light," he added "those things are nearly impossible to find."

Korean Won Plunges, Language Teacher Storms Out of Classroom

The Korean won continued it's precipitous plunge today, leaving the beleaguered currency at around 1400 to the dollar, a 35% drop since January. Jared Schmidt, a Canadian kindergarten teacher at a Seoul language school threatened to 'pull a runner' unless the situation turned around soon.
"Dude, this is bullshit. If you think I'm gonna chase a bunch of little rugrats around this place for kimchee and a few bucks, you're out of your mind."
Local traders were pessimistic about the won's outlook, stating that "the won has certainly not won the current round, nor will it be likely to have won anytime in the near future."
Jared was checking the currency rate on his mobile phone during a phonics lesson when he noticed the new 10 year lows.

I just had the phone out to use the dictionary to look up "diarrhea" in Korean, because one of the kids was insisting on using the bathroom and kept saying this word that I thought might be that, when I noticed the rate. I was so pissed that I just walked out. I'm seriously gonna dump this job unless this gets better soon. I mean, I could go to Taiwan or something. I hear they're always looking for kindy teachers, and I really like the bubble tea they have over there.

In related news, a sharp drop in Cambodian and Vietnamese bride buying by single Korean men has been reported, as the women of those countries are increasingly unwilling to go to a country with a weaker currency than their own.

Presidential Politics

I get most of my news from the internet these days which has the virtue of being unmitigated by large corporations with a mind-controlling agenda. Just in case anyone who reads this blog didn't see this exemplary answer to a question from Katie Couric about the government bailout from hockey mom Sarah Palin, here it is:

Wha wha whaaaaaaat?!?!? Folks, this is scary. I don't know whether to go into a laughing fit, or cry. Just for fun, let's compare that with Ms. South Carolina:

Seth's Travelogue, Back By Popular Demand

Last I checked commuting does not qualify as traveling, but when doing so by bicycle on Korean roads it at least qualifies as adventurous. Seriously, Koreans can't drive. Does that sentence make me racist? Ah, F*ck it. As pointed out by my dear readers, it's been ages since the last post. Where to begin? Well basically I've been working in the Korean public school system and getting a crash course in teaching youngsters the esteemed international language known as English. As the only foreigner there, as well as the only foreigner ever to have been there in the school's 100+ year history, I get plenty of attention. Most of the attention I never find out about. It takes the form of hushed rumors spread around the halls like Californian wildfire. It's actually a little bit like being a presidential candidate, with a heavy dose of mistranslation mixed in.
Which brings me to today's Link of the Day for Other People Getting Paid to Surf the Internet
Dokdo is ours
is a satirical website about Korea which might not be funny to people unfamiliar with Korean culture, but absolutely hysterical if you have lived here. Please check it out and if I'm wrong about that assumption, let me know. I'm curious. For those who don't know, Dokdo is the Korean name for a couple disputed islets (read=worthless rocks) in the sea of Japan, I'm sorry, East Sea. Here's a picture of that sea, taken last weekend.

And that's that. What's up with you?