Guide to Seoul Street Biking

Some of these surely apply to urban biking in general, but here it is - my guide to Seoul street biking:

1) Don't trust anybody, especially taxis and buses. Don't trust vehicles to stop at red lights, go the correct way on one way streets, not cut you off, or anything else. This is the golden rule.

2) Pedestrians are idiots. If you ring your bell, most people will turn around and dumbly stare at you instead of getting out of the way. Still, use the bell often, and well in advance to give people time to get over their stupefaction. I now ring my bell almost constantly out of habit. Makes for nice ad-hoc music too.

3) Run red lights and break all traffic laws if it means getting away from the bulk of traffic. Don't be dumb about it, but it is actually safer to stay away from other vehicles, so do this as much as possible.

4) Watch out for doors. This is crucial. Look inside cars to see if there are passengers about to hop out, and always try to leave space between yourself and stopped (or slow moving!) cars. I've never been doored but I've almost been doored, and that is not an adventure I'd like to have.

5) It's often safer in the road than on the sidewalk. Cars plow into sidewalks from side streets. Trucks park in sidewalks, often completely blocking them. Motorbikes speed on sidewalks. Sometimes the sidewalks suddenly become dead ends for bikes because there are only pedestrian overpasses at intersections and no crosswalks. Use your best judgment.

Seoul can be a great city for biking for those with balls of steel! Stay safe!

Mugabe Tapped in McCain Campaign

Zimbabwean president Robert Mugabe has been hired by the McCain campaign to assist in bringing American hearts and minds to the Republican candidate. The African leader "has been remarkably successful at winning elections in the face of public opposition" said a McCain staffer who declined to be named. Fox News analyst Karl Rove praised the move saying "If I was running, he would be the first one on my campaign team". Although Mugabe has been criticized in the past for his unorthodox campaigning techniques, "he knows how to get the job done" said Rove.
Mugabe staffer hard at work

Central Bankers Meet, Agree on Bat Signal Use

In an unprecedented move, central bankers from nations around the world unveiled a plan Thursday morning to return the bat signal to service in an effort to arrest the deepening financial crisis. Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson made the following statement:

The time has come for a coordinated response to this crisis. A piecemeal approach has not, and will not work - therefore my colleagues and I have decided to send in the big guns. The Dark Knight has proven himself capable numerous times against foes such as the Penguin, the Catwoman, and most recently against the Joker. I have full confidence in his ability to restore stability to our markets and the general economy.

Traders responded positively in the hours following the announcement, but doubts about the plan surfaced in late trading, erasing earlier gains. One investment banker from Goldman Sachs questioned the move.

Isn't that guy just from a movie? It's so hard to remember what's real and what's made up these days. I mean, that Beautiful Mind guy is real, right? But what about the Nicholas Cage character in The Rock? The point is, even if Batman responds, what can he do to ease the current crisis? Sometimes it seems like central bankers have no control and just make these kinds of statement to calm the markets.

The announcement came after coordinated cuts in interest rates around the world, which yesterday were announced within seconds of each other, failed to invigorate markets.
The bat signal is thought to be kept in storage in Brazil. Paulson admitted that it could take some time to find the spotlight and restore it to operation. "Those cornholes over at Warner Brothers better not have burned out the light," he added "those things are nearly impossible to find."

Korean Won Plunges, Language Teacher Storms Out of Classroom

The Korean won continued it's precipitous plunge today, leaving the beleaguered currency at around 1400 to the dollar, a 35% drop since January. Jared Schmidt, a Canadian kindergarten teacher at a Seoul language school threatened to 'pull a runner' unless the situation turned around soon.
"Dude, this is bullshit. If you think I'm gonna chase a bunch of little rugrats around this place for kimchee and a few bucks, you're out of your mind."
Local traders were pessimistic about the won's outlook, stating that "the won has certainly not won the current round, nor will it be likely to have won anytime in the near future."
Jared was checking the currency rate on his mobile phone during a phonics lesson when he noticed the new 10 year lows.

I just had the phone out to use the dictionary to look up "diarrhea" in Korean, because one of the kids was insisting on using the bathroom and kept saying this word that I thought might be that, when I noticed the rate. I was so pissed that I just walked out. I'm seriously gonna dump this job unless this gets better soon. I mean, I could go to Taiwan or something. I hear they're always looking for kindy teachers, and I really like the bubble tea they have over there.

In related news, a sharp drop in Cambodian and Vietnamese bride buying by single Korean men has been reported, as the women of those countries are increasingly unwilling to go to a country with a weaker currency than their own.

Presidential Politics

I get most of my news from the internet these days which has the virtue of being unmitigated by large corporations with a mind-controlling agenda. Just in case anyone who reads this blog didn't see this exemplary answer to a question from Katie Couric about the government bailout from hockey mom Sarah Palin, here it is:

Wha wha whaaaaaaat?!?!? Folks, this is scary. I don't know whether to go into a laughing fit, or cry. Just for fun, let's compare that with Ms. South Carolina: